Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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