No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
