The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
