It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dear god my vagina.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
