Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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