Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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