dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize