My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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