apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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