So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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