the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
