My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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