i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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