just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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