So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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