The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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