I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
