If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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