thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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