the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
