don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Welp...herpes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize