sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
