Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
