the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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