The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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