my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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