Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my being single is dangerous.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
