Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize