And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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