Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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