he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize