We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
