if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
