I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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