How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
