census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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