Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
