i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
