so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
