he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
