Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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