I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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