the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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