is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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