Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
