we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
