so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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