I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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