He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i think im in europe. pls send help
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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