I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
