Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
