Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
