are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
