just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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