If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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