Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
