I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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