Pants 0. Shit 1.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
