it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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