Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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