I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
