Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
