hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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