you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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