Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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