The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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