ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
