two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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