You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
