It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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