yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
