well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
