Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
