My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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