she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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