bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
