We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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