I think i peed on brittanys purse
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
