I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
