Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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