dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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