We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
