Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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