Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
