Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
