are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
