I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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