dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
