soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
