dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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