we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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