Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
