my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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