I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
