We're like a lot better than the average bears
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
