think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
