I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize