I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
