I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
