i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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