So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
