I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize