Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
